Captain Sparklesalot
by beckysparkles
Summary: Cullen Family time. Don't you just love it! Emmett is bored and wants to play, but how will he get Edward to agree? And what will happen when they all join in? Hope this makes you smile.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n. I have made some small changes and adjustments to the layout of this story, thanks MLWE! **

Captain Sparklesalot.

All was quiet in the Cullen household, Carlisle and Esmee were out hunting, Alice and Rose were buying clothes on line, Edward and Jasper were playing chess, and Emmett, well Emmett was Bored!

EMMETTS POV

I'm so, so bored, I wonder if Rose is in the mood for some freaky time, mmmm freaky time,

"Emmett, could you stop that, you are putting me off my game," said Edward.

"Uh sorry little bro, can't help it." I said and I sauntered over to Rose, "Hey my little Rose bush, fancy coming up stairs?"

"Not now Emmett, I'm busy, go wait up stairs." Rose said and winked at me. So I bounded up the stairs to wait.

I waited.....And waited.....And waited. So, so, bored, hhmm what could I do? I knew if I called Rose again it would put her in a bad mood, and then I had an idea!

Rooting around in rose's closet I found what I was looking for, black leggings, stripping of my pants, I quickly replaced them with Roses leggings, then I snuck off to Carlisle room, I needed Y fronts for this little plan and I was more of a boxer shorts man.

Slipping the Y fronts on over the leggings, I checked out the view in the mirror, not bad, not bad, my butt looks gooood, but it needs something else, I ran to Alice's closet, hoping she was too busy shopping to 'see' what I was up to.

I found it in the back, a bright Red cloak she wore at Christmas; I stripped off my shirt and hung the cloak round my shoulders.

Finally I took Rose's bright red lip stick and looking in the mirror drew a giant S on my stomach. Perfect!

I leapt the stairs in a single bound, landing at the bottom with my fists on my hips, sticking out my chest, Hero style.

"I am Captain Sparklesalot!" I said, in my deepest voice and grinned. Rose just looked at me and said,

"Your S is backwards," then turned back to the computer.

The rest just kept staring.

"Come on guys, come and play, it will be fun, please, we can go save some humans in Forks."

They all turned back to what they were doing.

Spoil Sports!

"Eddy please come and play, please, I need you to listen out for the damsels in distress." I said,

"Not a chance Emmett, we are not super hero's we are vampires." He said.

_Ok Edward_ I started thinking _I didn't want to do this, but you leave me little choice,_ I started to picture Rose, standing next to a pole.

"It's not going to work Emmett." Edward said.

_Hhhmm well we will see about that_, and I pictured rose in a cow boy hat a pink rhinestone bra and pink leather arseless chaps. Edward was grimacing.

"It's still not going to work." Edward said again. So I pictured rose dancing on the pole. It still wasn't working, so I tried one last trick.

_If you don't come and play I will think of something you will never forget. _He still didn't respond, so I did it.

I changed Rose over for myself, and in my mind I started to grind the pole, wearing the full outfit I had pictured earlier on Rose.

Edward was looking at me in horror.

_Okay Eddy boy one last chance, come and play with me or I will bend over, and remember these chaps are arseless, do you really want the image of my big hairy sparkly butt, in pink leather arseless chaps imprinted in your mind for the rest of eternity?_ I thought.

"Okay, okay, stop it, please god I'm begging you, stop it!" Edward screamed at me, jumping up and knocking the chess board flying.

"Excellent, come on Eddy, let's go get you an outfit," I cried running up the stairs, "Oh and you can be called the boy Mental, my side kick." Fun times!!!

**A/N –Okay, I hope you enjoyed it and haven't been to mentally scared by the image of Emmett in pink leather arseless chaps. I do have another chapter** **to this story but if you want me to put it up then you are going to have to review, then Captain Sparklesalot and the boy mental can come and rescue the chapter and save the day.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N. So very few reviews...big sigh...never mind, here is chapter two anyway. Xx**

Emmett's pov

I managed to get Edward to wear some super hero get up, he was wearing, tights from Esmee and Carlisle's Y fronts, I couldn't find another cloak, so I made him wear a tight tank top of Alice's and tie a tie around his head like Rambo.

He looked great.

He didn't think so, but this whole showing him my butt bribe really worked, I must remember that for the future.

I made him come down stairs to show everyone how great we looked; Alice was ready with the camera.

By the look on Edwards face I didn't have to be a mind reader to know he wanted to kill me right now.

"Bella will just love this Edward!" said Alice smiling hugely.

Before he could even respond she had flew out the room, with the camera safely tucked in her bra, so that Edward wouldn't try to get it even if he did try to catch her. He didn't follow though because I had him safely by the hair, and started to drag him backwards out the door.

"Come on little bro we got some damsels to save," I said chuckling away to myself at the thought of the fun we were going to have.

"I won't forgive any of you for this." Was Edwards's parting shot as we left Jasper, Alice and Rose laughing hysterically and taking photos.

"Right Boy Mental use your super power to find some damsels in distress." I said.

Edward just stared at me sulking, _come on Edward no one can see you now and I'm not going to tell anyone that you enjoyed it please join in. _I pleaded silently. A small smile started to play around Edwards lips which slowly turned into a full blown grin.

"Found one," he said.

"Thata boy" I said and smacked him on the back, then followed him full tilt into the woods as he shot off to our first rescue.

We came to a stop on the outside of forks, were there was a little girl of about 5 crying. I stepped out from the trees and offered my super hero services.

"I'm Captain Sparklesalot how can I be of service?" I said using my deep super hero voice again.

The little girl stopped crying and stared at me wide eyed.

"You're a super hero?" she asked.

"Yep" I said and smiled my widest grin, which in hindsight probably wasn't the best idea given my razor sharp teeth, hardly reassuring when your 5.

She took a step back and started to cry again.

_Edward help I made her cry. _I could hear him laughing, still in the forest.

"Don't cry little girl," I said stretching my big hand out to stroke her hair, again not a great idea. The little girl screamed and ran back to her yard.

I heard her tell her mom, about the big giant man that was dressed funny, and tried to touch her.

At that point, I took off running back into the forest.

Edward followed laughing his socks off.

_You little twerp, you could of told me what was wrong then I wouldn't of scared the poor kid half to death. _I complained.

After about ten minutes when Edward had finally finished laughing he said, "Her cat was stuck up the tree." Then he rolled into himself and began laughing again.

_Some sidekick you are_, I thought and headed back to the girls place, checking no one was around, I found the cat, but it took one look at me, and scooted further up the tree. I hadn't really thought through the whole predator and prey issue here.

So I did the only thing I could think of.

I ripped the tree out of the ground and lay it cat end first in the little girl's yard then took off running again.

I made my way back to Edward feeling pretty pleased with myself. He came into view when we heard a faint cry of "help", coming from in the forest. We took off running in the direction of the sound.

We came to a clearing and could see a blonde girl tied to a tree, running over I came to a halt, when the girl lifted her head.

"Rose?" I said looking at rose.

"Oh who will save me?" she cried in a sweet little voice.

I felt a massive smile spread across my face.

"Never fear Captain Sparklesalot is here!" I cried and tore her free of the ropes and swept her into a kiss.

I officially had the best wife in the world.

At that point Edward started back for the house, very, very quickly.

I'm not sure he got away fast enough though, before I started singing in my head. _ Freaky time oh yeh._

Sometimes I really did feel sorry for my brother.

**A/N please review it only takes a minute.**

**Just 1 little minute**

**Please...**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N and onwards to chapter three, this is for you, jasper-rox-my-polka-dot-sox, you will know why xx**

**Edwards's pov**

_Freaky time oh yeh, I love freaky time! _Emmett's thoughts followed me all the way back to the house. The things I let my brother force me into!

I slowed down as I approached the front step, not looking forward to the abuse that I was bound to get or the photos that Alice had no doubt already printed out. I could see Alice heading towards me, and I braced myself ready for whatever teasing I would receive. They didn't disappoint me. Alice and Jasper had dressed up too! They were running around the house chasing each other.

Alice was dressed in a black PVC cat suit and had a mask on. An actual mask, the things that girl kept in her closet baffled me and if I'm honest worried me a little too.

Jasper was wearing ripped shorts and nothing else and had somehow managed to paint himself green!

"Hi Eddykins." Said Alice and waved as she dashed passed followed closely by Jasper who was holding a large piece of brie.

The brie was one of Bella's favourite cheeses; we kept it here for her because one of her favourite snacks was brie and bananas on crackers. I loved the girl, but cheese urrghh, just the smell made me shudder, Alice shared my opinion and I assumed that was why Jasper was chasing her with it,

"Help me Edward." Screamed Alice hysterically as she now dashed passed me in the other direction.

_No help me corner her, _came Jaspers wicked thoughts.

"I'm not helping either of you." I replied not wanting to get in the middle of this particular lovers tiff. Not when it smelled so bad.

Neither of them were having that, their thoughts betrayed them a moment before they made their move.

Jasper sprang the brie aimed for my nose, but I had seen his leap in his thoughts and quickly took off running... straight into the arms of Alice, who had scanned the future for the direction I would take.

"Don't you dare." I growled while struggling against Alice's grip, Jasper ignored me and advanced with exaggerated slowness.

The brie was two inches away from my face and I swear if I had had been human I would have been sick by now from the god damn awful smell.

Just then Relief swept over me, as Captain Sparklesalot burst through the door.

"Save me" I yelled at Emmett while aiming a kick at the brie.

"Never fear captain Sparklesalot is here" said Emmett as he dived at Jasper.

Emmett never usually caught Jasper off guard, but right now he was otherwise occupied trying to dodge my flailing feet and rub brie in my face at the same time.

Emmett crashed into Jasper with the force of a dumper truck, landing on the sofa, which broke in two with an almighty crack.

The brie flew into the air, Alice and I ran in different directions, neither one of wanting to be the ones that the brie landed on, we both could of caught it if we had wanted but, why touch the stuff?

I headed straight for Jasper and Emmett, two against one, was hardly fair but Jasper totally deserved it. I jumped on his back and tried to hold him in some sort of headlock while, Emmett tried to land punches in his gut.

Alice seeing her love, ganged up on, jumped into the affray, and had picked up the brie which she was rubbing all over everyone, but mostly me!

We took out the TV and the coffee table, but barely noticed. The walls suffered too and I heard the shattering of glass, as Rose who had just arrived, decided to join in by throwing things at us from a distance. _There is no way I'm getting into that and getting cheese in my hair. _Rose thought.

So I scooped some of the disgusting stuff off me, and flung it at Rose. It hit her directly in the face; with an almighty scream she launched herself at me.

We were all laughing by this point and then Jasper totally cheated by filling the room with emotions of love and peace so strong that I slid off his back into a heap and Emmett's jabs had turned into hugs. Both the girls flung themselves down on the broken sofa. Giggling

As I laying there in a heap staring at the ceiling we all heard two sets of familiar footsteps entering the house.

_Oh dear lord, what has happened to my children? _Came Esmee's panicked thoughts as she took in the scene of destruction that used to be her perfectly designed living room.

We all stood up a little sheepishly trying not to look Carlisle and Esmee in the eye.

That's when I remembered what we were wearing.

A look of sheer disbelief crossed Carlisle's face, as they took in our super hero attire.

Fighting a smile Carlisle looked at Esmee, and took her hand leading her back outside.

"You know," We heard him say, "This time I just really don't want to know!"

**A/N So there is chapter three I hope you liked it, if it made you laugh or smile, make me smile and post a review, remember it only takes a minute...**

**Just one little minute...**

**Please...**

**A/N Take two. Help. I need ideas for next chapter, if you have any, (the more ridiculous the better) let me know, and I will happily dedicate the next chapter too you. Thanks.**

**Oh and just a shameless bit of self promotion, have you read my other story? Go on give it ago.**

**Lots of love Becky xxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks c1624 who gave me the idea for this chapter and the next one too. These two are for you. Thanks to everyone who has added this to their favourites and alerts, you all make me smile like a crazy person.**

"You have fifteen minutes to clean this up." Carlisle shouted over his shoulder as he calmly lead Esmee back out of the door.

"Emmett you complete dumb ass, see the trouble you have gotten us into now!" Said Alice glaring at me, her eyes blazing with fury.

"Me?" I asked, opening my eyes as wide as they would go, "all I did was try and save Edward, you two were the ones trying to cover him in stinky cheese."

"And they succeeded," Edward said with disgust clear in his voice, as he scooped cheese out of his hair, and from down his shirt, and even in his pants, Alice really had done one hell of a job with the stuff.

"Anyway we are not in any trouble, Carlisle just told us to clear it up that was all." I said sticking out my tongue. I knew I was being childish, but I couldn't understand why I was getting all the blame when I hadn't even started the stupid fight.

All the time we argued, we were all tidying the mess, we had the place looking reasonable within 72 seconds, but surveying the room it had to be agreed that the sofa, coffee table and most of Esmee's vases would have to be replaced. We all looked at the wall next to the dining room doorway.

"I guess we couldn't turn it in to double doors?" I suggested helpfully, Looking at the perfect imprint of Jasper's back indented into the wall, cracks ranged out of it like spiders legs.

"This is going to cost us." Said Edward looking horrified.

"Well that's not a problem, it's not like we haven't got enough money is It." said Rose with contempt.

"Not like that" said Alice also looking horrified, "Carlisle has a plan, we really are in trouble."

***

Exactly 13 minutes later we were all sitting round the dining room table, staring at our hands like naughty children as we were lectured by Carlisle about our immature attitudes and lack of respect for our surroundings. I really honestly did try and listen, but Rose was sitting next to me with wet hair from the very quick shower she had taken, she looked amazing and smelled wonderful, and well just couldn't help being distracted.

_Freaky time oh yehh, ohh don't you just looove it._ I started to sing to myself.

"Emmett?" Carlisle's stern voice snapped me out of my daydream; Edward was shooting daggers at me. I mouthed sorry at him knowing he was in no mood to be subjected to my fantasies.

"Emmett!" Carlisle snapped my attention back to him. "Do you agree with this punishment or not?"

_What had I missed? Why was Carlisle asking me? Had he asked everyone else? Damn it why did I have the mental capacity of a goldfish?_ I saw Edward smile briefly at that thought. He was probably asking himself the same question.

Okay so I had a fifty fifty chance of getting this right.

"Err Yes?" I said making it sound like a question.

"Right it's settled then. You can all go into Port Angles tomorrow and get yourselves jobs. It will do you good to earn your money through hard graft and then maybe you will have a little respect for the things you replace with it!" Was Carlisle's parting shot as he left the table letting his hard cold stare fall on us all once more, making sure we all understood that he was deadly serious.

Jobs? What the... I looked at my family and grinned suddenly at their faces which ranged from despair to utter outrage.

"Come on guys don't look so down about it, this could be fun." I said. I felt four hard slaps across the back of my head, as one by one they stormed passed me at vampire speed.

***

The next evening we all stood in front of Burger king, the only place, Alice had assured us, that we would all get jobs in. We had decided if we were going to do this we had better stick together. Although I'm pretty sure that Alice was regretting that decision now, as she glanced longingly at the little dress shop opposite.

"Come on guy's" I said holding the door open for them, "You never know this might be f..." But before I could finish the sentence I felt four quick smacks around the side of my head this time as they filtered past me, into the restaurant, looking like they were heading for the gallows.

**A/N So I thought I would try some reverse psychology... Don't review... Don't do it....You know you don't want too.... Love from Beckyxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

Emmett's pov

And so we stood in our very unflattering uniforms, listening to a small, spotty man in his mid twenty's whose name was Colin.

"So you boys" he said in a snide little voice while eying all six foot six of me.

"You can work in the kitchen on grill; Simon will show you what to do." He pointed to a skinny boy who looked like he was about to pee his pants, at the thought of having to tell us what to do. We all grinned at him, exactly in sync, not a reassuring sight.

The poor boys eyes shot open and you could smell the fear flying off him.

Then Colin turned to the girls, with what I think he thought was a sexy grin, I saw Rose immediately roll her eyes,

"we can't have two pretty girls like you stuck in the kitchen now can we, you can work on the counter, with me." He gave a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. The girls just glared.

We guys headed around to the grill area which was not a massive space,

"Colin" called Edward. As he turned to look at us, Edward gestured to the grill area. "I really don't think it will be possible for us all to work in this area."

Colin looked at us all, glancing back at Rose, who even in the unflattering uniform, and her hair up in a hat still looked as hot as hell!

I growled a little under my breath, as he checked out her backside, he swung round again, obviously on some kind of power trip and said.

"You, Emmett, you head for the drive through, Tracy will show the ropes." Then he turned back to give Rose his full attention. I could only hope that she accidently stood on his foot, or crushed his fingers in the till, or pushed his head in the fryer, or rammed a burger so far down his throat he choked .

I comforted myself with these thoughts as I headed for the drive through booth.

Tracy was a tiny little blonde girl, who was even smaller than Alice, which was a good thing as the booth we were meant to take the orders from was tiny.

She quickly showed me the ropes, letting me take orders in no time, while she used the touch screen to send orders through to my brothers in the kitchen, who had to cook the disgusting stuff. At least I didn't have to touch any food.

After a while Tracy went to break, I reassured her that I was perfectly fine, coping on my own, she gave me an unsure little smile but left all the same.

And I was fine until, I had to use the touch screen, there was one little problem, it didn't work. I tried and tried but, no matter how many times I touched the damn thing nothing happened, the car I was taking the order from started to get impatient.

"Just hold up". I growled up as I tapped the screen harder and harder. I was defiantly going to smash the thing a minute, then Edward appeared from nowhere as if I had called him.

"Emmett it works through body heat you idiot."

"So" I said looking at him

He looked at me as if I was completely dense

"So we don't have any." He hissed

Oh yeh...vampire now I remember derr.

But all I said was,

"oh bugger."

"Go find Colin and tell him you can't do it." Edward ordered, but that wasn't necessary as the cars behind the one I was taking the order from had started leaning on their horns not liking the wait.

"What seems to be the problem," asked Colin in his reedy little voice, I decided against snapping his neck, I didn't think it would go down to well with Carlisle if I killed the boss on the first day,

"My hands are too big for the screen I can't type the orders in properly." I said and I purposely held my big fist slightly to close to his face for comfort and then slowly cracked my knuckles.

He dropped his eyes and just told me to follow him onto the resturant floor, once there he handed me a mop.

"Clean the floor." he said.

"Please." I said

"What?" he asked.

"I said, please, you should have said clean the floors please, manners cost nothing you know." I said. This idiot was starting to get on my nerves.

As he walked away I wondered if Carlisle would be disappointed if I just maimed the manger on the first day. Hhhmmm tempting

As I moped the floors I was over taken by complete boredom, I thought this might have been fun but no I'm pretty sure that this was shaping up to be one of the worst nights in history.

Edward called my name from the kitchen, so quietly that only vampire ears could hear it.

"Don't worry," he said, "be happy." He must have heard my despondent thoughts; the kid never could stand me to be unhappy, even if I was a jerk to him ninety percent of the time.

Then Edward started to whistle... I knew that tune it made me smile, and over the whistling so low that only we could hear came Jasper singing the words.

"Here's a little song I wrote,

Might want to sing it note for note,

Don't worry,

Be happy,

In every life we have some trouble

But when you worry you make it double

Don't worry,

Be happy,

Don't worry be happy now..."

Then Alice and rose joined in, again very low,

"Woo oo oo oooh ooo ooo oohooo

Don't worry,

ooohhhohhh

Be happy,

Aint got no place to lay your head

Someone came and took your bed

Don't worry,

Be happy

the land lord say your rent is late

he may have to litigate

don't worry,

be happy

wooo oo oo oooh ooo oohooo"

I couldn't help it I just felt myself start to dance with the mop, to my own little private song,

Wiggling my bum as I mopped away and then I joined in,

"Aint got no cash, aint got no style,

Aint got no girl to make you smile,"

I hadn't realised but I was singing a little louder than the others, which encouraged the others to do the same, all of us joining in despite the stares we were now receiving.

"Cus when you worry your face will frown,

and that will bring everybody down.

Don't worry

Be happy

Wooo oo oo oooh ooo oohooo"

We were all swaying away oblivious , the girls back to back the boys nodding their heads over the top of the counter, as I gave a one man and his mop dance show, for the entire seating area, a few people were giggling now, which only encouraged some more bum wiggling from me.

"Wooo ooo ooo oooh..."

"Cullen!"

Colin was striding across the seating area; he was so red I swear he may have had steam coming out of his ears.

"Yes?"I asked not stopping my swaying,

"What are you doing! "

"Moping the floor like you told me," I said smiling; honestly I couldn't even get mad at this little prick with this song in my head.

"Did I tell you to sing and dance as well?" he demanded.

"Nope." I said popping the p, "I just thought I would throw that in as a special little treat, what you think?" I said doing a little foot shuffle for effect.

"I think," he said very slowly and carefully, "that you should collect rubbish outside," and he handed me a black rubbish sack,

"Please." I said.

He just looked at me and said.

"NOW"

Well you had to admire the guy's nerve facing off a vampire, so I wouldn't kill him,

I just leaned down looked him in the eye and said, "manners are a virtue but..."

then I started to sing...

"don't worry, be happy," and started Dancing again.

The poor guy nearly choked, he just looked at me disbelieving and turned his back.

"Your fired." was his parting shot.

"Oh," I said, "don't worry, I'm leaving."

Then I held out my arms pretending to be an aeroplane winked at my family and danced to the door singing.

"I'm leaving on a jet plane; don't know if I'll be back again."

As I got to the door I turned and waved, blew a kiss to my audience and left feeling rather proud of myself.

Between killing the manager and getting fired I'm pretty sure that even Carlisle would agree that I had made the right choice.

**A/N For all of you who may not know this song. (shame on you!) It is Bob Marley, Don't worry, be happy, You should all down load it, it's the catchiest tune in the world**

**Love from Beckyxxx **


End file.
